Am I happy? You guess.

Have you ever asked yourself if you're happy?

I've tried asking this question myself for a lot of times now. A part of me says, I am, but my head keeps on whispering otherwise.

When I was still a kid, I dreamt of growing older. I even asked if God could pull the days so I'll be older sooner than it should be. I wanted to quickly finish my school, receive my diploma, go to work and earn money, lots and lots of money so I could make myself and my family happy.

When I got to high school, I tried to apply for a part time job but no company needed my service then. I even tried to do someoone's homeworks in exchange for food or for pieces of coins which I kept for emergencies. Life was so cruel, time was rough. I've shed so may tears questioning the existence of poverty, of my misfortune. Why was I born poor? Why were there children who could go to school without thinking of where to find the money to spend? Why are there people who could afford to buy luxury without asking for its price? Why can't I do the same?

Then I went to college and strived really hard to be able to finish a "degree" which the society needs to get you to the job. I was able to make it. At last, I received the very fruit of my perseverance and my every drop of sweat and blood.

I can say that I am sucessful, atleast to the path that I took. I'm now at the middle of my growing career, surrounded by bureucratic and nepotistic colleagues, pathetic peers, temptations, envy and deceit. If you have the appetite to swallow these, you'll earn that money.


I bet you're asking how much do I earn. I think the safest way to answer that is that I'm earning more than I need.

But the bottomline is, am I happy? You guess.

This life is so miserable that it thought me how to be greedy. It thought me how to turn things around in my favor. It thought me how to wear that smiling face. It thought me how to lie. It thought me everything against the norms and beyond the truth. It thought me how to not be me.

As I keep on pulling the days and times of my life... I lost myself.

I think... I already answered the question.